A Voice of Her Own

When you have children yourself, you begin to understand what you owe your parents.
-- Japanese Proverb


Another appointment has come and gone at Cranial Technologies. I am glad to say we are half way through Isabella's treatment. It has been almost 7 weeks now that she has been wearing her helmet and I can see a significant difference in the shape of her head. For the first month or so, Isabella never really paid much attention to the helmet on her head, but, lately, she tugs at it when she gets frustrated. I usually try to draw her attention to something else when I see her doing this but, it is just so funny. When I see her express her emotions I can't help but laugh. She is such a character. We have been driving every other week to Dallas and back for her appointments. I had been only working on the weekends up until now, so it was easy for her and I to take a couple of days off for our trips. But, that is not the case anymore. So, we will most likely be flying for the remainder of the time. We will be able to go and come back in a matter of hours. I am sure it will be much more convenient for us both.

I have been working at Odessa Regional Medical Center as a radiologic technologist (x-ray tech) since April. I can honestly say that I really enjoyed my job. I would work graveyard shifts and on the weekends. I got to stay home with Isabella during the day and while she was sleeping, I was working. But, this position was only PRN, which means, As Needed. ORMC has been expanding and opening up several clinics in the surrounding area and I was offered a full-time position at a new clinic in Midland. Although I love working at the hospital, had learned lots of new things, and had made several new friends, a full time position would be much more stable, financially, for us. As parents, we have to make decisions sometimes for the betterment of our children. So, I begin working at my new position next week. I am excited and looking forward to this new environment. I hope I have great coworkers like I did at the hospital.

Since Isabella was old enough to make a sound, I have been telling her "Ma-Ma. Isabella, say Ma-Ma." I tell her this every day and several times a day. She usually will just look at me and laugh. On Sunday, September 18th, she said her first word. After months and months of me telling her "Ma-Ma" can you guess what her first word was? "Ouch!" Ouch was the first word out of her sweet little mouth! Isabella loves to throw everything on the floor. On this day, I had her sitting on her changing table dressing her and looking for her sandals in the bottom drawer. She was doing what she always does, grabbing the bottle of lotion and throwing it on the floor. Throwing the diaper cream, the brush, the nasal aspirator, everything on the floor. I am usually in the line of fire when she is throwing things down and am always telling her "Ouch! That hit me!" Well, I guess we know where she learned ouch from. A few days later, I heard her saying "Wowa" which is Lola. She will crawl right up to Lola and say "Wowa." It doesn't surprise me that the dog's name is one of her first words. She is always looking for and chasing Lola.

 

Our family has a routine that we follow most days of the weeks. After we eat dinner, my dad will watch TV in the living room, Isabella and Lola will both be in there with him, mom and I will clean up the kitchen and then join everyone else. Then we all play with Isabella and Lola and watch TV for a while. Then its bath time for Isabella, a bottle and I rock her in my arms until she falls asleep. This is my favorite part of every day. While I rock her, I say our prayers to her and sing and hum to her. I know "they" say you're not supposed to let your baby fall asleep in your arms because then they don't learn to self-soothe and put themselves back to sleep in the night, but I  don't care what "they" say! I let her fall asleep in my arms every night. Once she is sound asleep, with her head resting on my chest, I hug her, kiss her, smell her hair, and listen to her breathe. Usually, I love on her after she is asleep longer than it actually took me to put her to sleep. She has the most relaxing and comforting scent. It smells like...Isabella, with a hint of lavender and baby lotion. I wish I could bottle that scent and keep it forever.  If I have had a stressful day, I will sometimes smell her hair and listening to her breathe for an hour after she is asleep.

So, Isabella, my love, you have passed so many milestones so far, and now you have started saying words that we can understand. What's next? What spectacular thing will you do tomorrow? I look forward to any new surprises you have for me each and every day. But, you are changing and growing so fast! I wish I could slow down time. I want to never forget how precious you are to me, the sound of your chit-chattering, your big smile with two, then three, then four teeth.  I want to never forget your sweet scent. When we play and you laugh and talk and squeal, I sometimes take a moment and say a silent prayer. I ask God to please let me never forget this exact moment as long as I live. I know that before I had you to love, my life was missing something. My heart was not whole. Now, I cannot even fathom one day without you. I pity the person who chooses not to have you in his life. He has no idea how much he is missing. But, you are mine and I am yours. That will never change. I am so blessed to have found true, unconditional love. I would climb any mountain, cross any river, face any kind of peril for you. You are my everything.



Love, Mama

Sleep. Or a Lack thereof.

“People who say they sleep like a baby, usually don’t have one.”

-Leo J. Burke

Isabella is now 9 months old. Can anybody tell me why time seems to have sped up drastically since she was born? It seems like it was just a couple weeks ago that she was a little bitty baby. Now, she is crawling, talking, standing, and so much more. Isabella is a very finicky eater. When, how, and if she eats all depends on her mood. Sometimes, she will let me feed her baby food. Sometimes, she only wants to feed herself snacks. Sometimes, she wants to eat big people food. And, sometimes, she doesn't want to open her mouth for any of the above! Ah! I can tell that she is going to be strong-headed. I don't know where she would have inherited that trait from. Her mom isn't strong-headed at all!

On August 30, Isabella had her bi-weekly appointment at Cranial Technologies. She is progressing well. The therapist shaved more off the occipital area of her helmet. Her head will be beautiful and round soon. I must admit, I am ready for the day when she no longer has to wear it. I don't get to put cute bows and headbands on her every day anymore. When Isabella and I are playing on the floor, and she is jumping and climbing all over me, she sometimes will rest her head on mine. My heart melts when she does this. But there is this big, cold, plastic helmet in the way! It doesn't bother her, but I wish it wasn't there. It almost puts a crink in my beautiful moment. But, I did get to redecorate it again, my favorite part.

When Isabella turned 8 months old, my mom asked me if we could take Isabella's crib down and put it into storage. "She never uses it." she said. I don't know why, but thinking about taking it down and putting it away made me get a knot in my stomach. I just did not want to put it away. So, my mom suggested that I start putting Isabella to sleep in her crib, unless I wanted her to be 5 years old and still sleeping with me. I must confess, the problem was not that Isabella would not go to sleep in her crib, but that I had grown accustomed to sleeping with her right next to me. I would fall asleep with my arm around her and my cheek against hers. It was reassuring to wake up at night and hear her breathing, sometimes snoring lightly. I didn't want her to sleep all the way in the next bedroom. I did some serious thinking and came to the conclusion that it was me, I did not want to sleep by myself. It had been quite a long time since I slept all alone. But, I did not want Isabella to be 5 years old and not be able to sleep in her own room and in her own bed because I had been selfish. I decided it was time to put her to sleep in her crib, BUT only after I did some serious furniture arranging! I moved the dresser out of my room and put her crib in there. This way, we all win. The crib is getting used, Isabella is sleeping by herself and she may not be in the bed with me, but she is only a few steps away. And I can still hear her breathing and sometimes, snoring lightly. She has started rolling over and sleeping on her tummy and sticking her bottom up in the air. I love it! I think it is so cute.

Babies are supposed to nap during the day. Most babies take two or three good naps a day. Not Isabella! On an average day, She will take three, short naps. And when I say short, I mean 40 minutes short. 40 minutes! That's not even enough time for me to completely recharge before she is up and at it again. But when I asked her pediatrician if that was normal, she told me that all babies nap differently. Apparently, Isabella's brain is just too busy, going 100 miles an hour, to shut off long enough to rest during the day. Well, at least, when she is awake she is happy, active, and quite the little entertainer!

I am very close to my family. My mom is my best friend. I consider this a good thing but, it makes certain decisions difficult for me. When I was younger, I fell in love with the hustle and bustle of the big city. At age 16, I spent the summer with my aunt in Dallas. It was then that I decide I wanted to live there when I grew up. Then I went to college. I wanted to take small steps, going to community college first and planning to later move away. Then, I got into the radiology program at Odessa College and decided to move away after I had completed those two years in the program. Then, I decided I was going to get married. Then, I got pregnant and moving away from my family wasn't as appealing as it had once been. There was always some reason to put off moving. Now, with our recent, frequent trips to Dallas, I have been reminded why I fell in love with Dallas in the first place. Since I never did get married, the decision to move or stay is completely up to me. I am a person who believes that there is always room for improvement. There is no perfect person, relationship, job, no perfect anything. Since nothing is perfect, something can always be improved. How do I improve? I set goals. I have set a new goal for my life. I want to move Isabella and me to Dallas some day. When I say someday, I do not mean someday way in the future. I mean in the next year or two. But, how will a move 6 hours away from my family impact us when we are so close? I know it will be hard on all of us in the beginning but my parents are supportive of my renewed goal and agree that both Isabella and I will have more opportunities in the metropolitan area. We shall see if this will be a goal I am able to accomplish.

So, Isabella, my love, you exhaust more energy in a couple of hours than I can muster up in an entire day. If I had even half of your vitality, I might be able to run the world! Trying to keep up with you can be tiring at times. It definitely takes some effort to always keep an eye on you. And with every passing day, you become more and more energetic. Sometimes, I joke that you only have one speed and that is full speed! Keeping up with you has brought out a different side of me. This side makes funny noises, funny faces, and squeals and screams right along with you. This side spends an immense amount of time on the floor and loves to find new toys that make noise and light up. This side sings lullabies, recites nursery rhymes, prays out loud and laughs more than I ever imagined possible. This side also begs for kisses and rejoices like it just won the lottery when it gets one! I never knew this other side of me existed before you came along. I am so happy that this side of me has emerged. You have given me new life and I am forever grateful for you.

Love, Mama