Isabella, My Love

No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.

Isabella, my love, you simply amaze me. I wish I could stop the clock and keep you the way are, for always. I am sure you will not understand my love for you until the day comes that you give your heart to your own child. At this time, you are just three short months away from your second birthday. I must say, I think you are the smartest little girl! You learn very quickly. You mimic me, your grandma, and your grandpa. You have learned the sounds of several animals like the vaca (cow), froggy, piggy, fishy, pajarito (bird), kitty, rooster, lion, dog, and the horsey. You can count from one to ten with a little assistance. You know where many of your body part are and their names. There are so many other things that you know. At nineteen months old, you had all your teeth, except for your two-year molars. You still enjoy dancing, jumping on your mini trampoline, and on the beds, and singing. You absolutely love going outside! It is the summer time right now and late in the evenings, your grandma and grandpa will go outside to water the grass. You always get excited and run to put your shoes on so you can go outside with them. Oh! And your shoes, you love to put on and take off your shoes! You always want to be barefoot here at home. Your grandma and I always laugh at the fact that when she picks you up from the daycare, within two minutes, you have your socks and shoes off and are happy and barefoot! When you and I are getting dressed and ready to go somewhere, especially in the morning to go to daycare, I have to tell you, sternly, "Don't take your shoes off!" If I don't, by the time we are on our way to the car, I can almost always count on you being barefoot.

 

 

About three months ago, I turned your crib into a toddler bed. You slept in it for the first couple of days...but then, you started insisting to sleep with me in my bed. I must admit, you are very persistent and convincing. Most nights, you win and get to sleep with me. It's funny how small my queen size bed can feel when I am sandwiched between you and Lola! And especially when you are asleep sideways, with your feet in my back or on my face, and I am on my side, at the very edge of the bed! But, I must admit, there's nowhere else I would rather be. It comforts me to be able to reach over and hug you. When you snuggle close to me, I can't help but think how much I love you and how blessed I am to have you. I know we broke this habit of you sleeping with me months ago...but I guess we will have to work on breaking it again at a later time. In the mean time, I did break you from your beloved chupis! And you did love that chupis very much. When I would call from work to see what you and grandma were up to, she would sometimes tell me, "She's jumping on the bed with the chupis in her mouth!" and when I would ask, "WHY does she have that chupis!? She's only supposed to get it at bed time." Your grandma would answer, "Well...she wants it, so, I let her have it." So, one day, when I was about to start my days off, I attempted put you to bed and refused to give you your chupis. You cried, and cried, and cried...and cried! But I did not give in and you finally fell asleep without it. Then next night, you still asked for it but you did not cry. That was the last time you asked for it. I hid all the chupis from their usual hiding places and that was that. That was four months ago and you haven't asked for it again.

You are such a friendly little girl. At the daycare, all the kids in your class, older kids, and several of the teachers say hi and bye to you as you come and go each day. When we are in the grocery store, you say "Hi!" to complete strangers. You wave and smile at people and get along very well with other children. You have two friends at the daycare that you talk about often at home. Their names are Maly (Emily) and Memi (Remi). From what the teachers have told me, you and Remi have been best buddies for a while now. Now, you play with Emily quite a bit too. When we arrive each morning, Emily and Remi yell, "Bella! Bella!" Not long after that began, all the other kids began saying, "Bella! Bella!" when they would see you coming.

 

With Harley, The Birthday Girl

 

Playing With Ethan And Marilee

                 

In June, we attended your first birthday party. The birthday girl was Harley and the theme was 'Calling All Superheroes!' You go to be Super Girl for the day. You really had a fun time and you jumped on Harley's trampoline with some of the other kids. Then, we went to Ethan's Superhero birthday. You had fun on the slide and in the blow up jumper with all the other kids.

 

Isabella, I wish I could express to you, in words, exactly how active and hyper you are ALL THE TIME! I have no idea how such a little body can have so much energy. Most days, during the week, I work until 8:00 in the evening. Grandma has usually already fed you dinner by the time I get home, so you and I play for a little while and then it's time for a bath. You really enjoy being in the water. you like to play with your toys, splash water everywhere, and fill up the cup I use to pour water on your hair. Most days, when you take a bath, I get nice and soaked too.

 

 Playing in the tub.

 

At night, it is never an easy task to get you to go to bed. You run around the house like a wildcat, jump on the beds, look for toys to play with, ask to watch movies...doing just about anything to burn up every last bit of energy in your tiny body. By the time you drink your sippy cup of milk, and I finally get you into bed, it still takes another thirty minutes, and sometimes up to an hour, to get you to stop jumping on the bed, climbing all over me, showering me with kisses and hugs, pointing and naming the parts of my face, asking for Remi and Emily, and Tio Joe, and Lola, and Dora, and Boots, and Mickey Mouse, and every other person and character that you can think of! Finally, around 10:30 there is peace and quiet in the house because you have fallen asleep. In the morning, when it is time to wake up, I usually turn on the TV and The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is on. As soon as you hear the music and voices of your favorite characters, you wake up. Most mornings, you are in a happy mood, still tired from staying up too late, but happy. Then we quickly get you dressed, you brush your teeth while I fix your hair and were out the door by 7:20 am.

 

 

Sleepy mornings.

 

Still not wide awake. 

 

 

Then, there is Lola. Poor, poor Lola... You are always telling her "NO Lola!" and "Mine!" and "GO Lola!" and you point for her to go away. When she is napping, you like to sneak up to her and tap her with your foot to startle her awake. But every time I see you do these kinds of things, which is very frequently, I tell you "Leave Lola alone!" But you don't always pick on her. you like to love on her and hug and pet her too. You like to cover her with your blanky and pat her like you are putting her to sleep and you like to rub her belly. You also like to share your food and snacks with her, the ones you don't like!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Over the last couple weeks, you vocabulary has increased tremendously! You repeat almost everything you hear us say. You have even repeated some words that your were not meant to hear...but when I hear you say those kinds of  words that you shouldn't say, I let you know that those are not nice words and I usually don't hear them again.

 

A few weeks ago, I bought you a training potty. I showed you how to sit on it and peepee. You have done really well in learning to let us know when you need to go potty. And every morning, as soon as you get out of bed, you go right to the potty. I am going to let you continue this way until you let me know that you are ready to be completely out of pampers. But, just like every other one of your milestones, I don't think you will have much problems mastering it.

 

So, Isabella, my love, you are the fire that has lit up my life and I thank God for you always. I am so proud of the little girl you are growing into and I try to cherish each small piece of the baby world that you leave behind. You are growing up so fast. I try to always tell you what a good job you are doing, how smart you are, how beautiful you are to me, and how much you are loved. I wish that, one day, you could see yourself the way I see you, perfect.

 

Love, Mama

 

Favorite Person

"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world,
there is no love for you like mine." ~Mya Angelo

In my life, I have loved. I love my parents, my brother, my aunts, uncles, cousins, my grandparents. I have loved a man, loved friends, and even loved my dog. But none of these loves are like the love I have for my sweet, little Isabella. A mother's love for her child and children is like no other in the world. This, I know is true. The other day, my mom and I were making lunch and Isabella was playing in the living room. She was saying, "Mama! Mama!" and my mom said, "You know, you're her most favorite person in the world." I must admit, hearing that made me smile. I scooped Isabella up in my arms, gave her kisses and tickled her and said "That's ok, because she is my most favorite person in the world too!" and she really is.

Let's see...where should I begin? Let me start with all the new words Isabella says now! She knows agua (water), night, night, which sounds like nye, nye. She knows wow-wow (dog), uh-oh, baby, papa (food), ball, eyes, nose, yay, bubbles, thank you, baby, blankie, oopa, which is what I say when I lift her up, and nice! Nice is probably one of my favorites! See, in our house, when somebody does something like drop or break something, we say "nice!" in a kind of sarcastic way. One day I was feeding her and I dropped the spoon by mistake spilling food all over the counter. The little turd said "nice" which really sounded like "nishe." I couldn't believe it. It was one of the funniest things I have ever heard! Oh, and she always says, "No! Mine!" When we go to the store, she points at stuff and says, "Mine!" She likes to sing. Even if she has never heard the song before, she still sings along, and she sings loud enough for the people 5 pews behind us in church to hear. In the last few weeks, her vocabulary has grown so much. Everything she hears, she tries to repeat.

Every time we leave the house, Lola walks with us to the garage door and looks at us with her sad eyes because she wants to go too. As we are walking out the door, we tell Lola, "Lola, you stay here and be a good girl." Isabella feels the need to tell Lola this as well. She points her finger at Lola and in her own language, tells her something that sounds like, "You can't go with us! Stay here and be good! You hear!?" Poor, poor Lola. Isabella is always telling her, "No! No! Mine!" Lola just tries to hide and stay away from the commotion that is Isabella. But she also likes to love on Lola. She pets per, tries to hug her, and even tries to cover her with her favorite blankie and put her to sleep. Lola has learned to be much more patient with Isabella now. When they are left alone, they play really well. Lola chases Isabella and they fight for toys. Isabella laughs and has a good ole time trying to keep her toys away from Lola.

Isabella absolutely loves bath time. Well, she loves to be in the water, touching water, anything that has to do with water. When she is tired and a little cranky because it is almost bed time, I put her in the bath and she is the happiest little girl ever! She splashes and yells and plays, and I usually end up soaked too. She has just started to try and shampoo her own hair, but it's just to get the suds on her hands. She tries to pour water on her head from the big plastic cup I use for her, but she usually ends up pouring it on her face. Bath time, although I get my face, hair and shirt all wet, is one of the highlights of my day. I hope she likes swimming as much as bath time some day.

Mickey Mouse's Hot Dog Song. Isabella looooooves the HotDog Song. She dances and sings it and can almost say "hot dog." Every morning, before we leave to the daycare, she watches The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Right as we are about to leave, the Hot Dog Song comes on and she gasps, smiles, and sterts dancing right away! It's a great way to start off any day. She likes to dance to more than just the Hot Dog Song. Any upbeat song playing, she is dancing. Her dancing mostly consists of turning in circles, jumping up and down, and throwing her arms in the air. Oh yeah, there is some knee bending action that goes on too. I can always count on a cute dance from her to brighten any day.

Who would I be today if I were not Isabella's mom? I wonder that sometimes. But I am happy that I know who I am and that I am her mom. Each day, we learn something new. As she grows, I grow too. She teaches me to enjoy the small stuff in my life. She lights up my day with her smile. When we nap together, and lay face to face, she rests her hand on my cheek. She gives me the world's best hugs and her kisses, they are to be cherished. How blessed I am to experience all the extraordinary little moments of our everyday life.

So, Isabella, my love, I read this somewhere and knew I wanted to share it with you, "If I could give you one thing in my life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me." If I could give you this gift, I would, and without a second thought. You would see how much I love you, how precious you are, how beautiful you are, and how truly spectacular I think you are. You are my most favorite person in the whole world. You had my heart every since you could hear it beating inside me.

Love, Mama

Child of mine

"The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world, there will not be, another child like him." ~Pablo Casals

It has been a little over a year since I posted my first blog. I said that I would try to post regularly. I wanted to document Isabella's development, her growth from an infant into a toddler, and so on. Unfortunately, I have not been as dedicated as I liked to have been. There is always a reason why I don't have time to sit down and type out the goings on of my life. There is always something to pick up, always something to do, always having to keep an eye and ear on my energetic, curious, little turd (as I have always called her). But as I look back now, I am sad that I did not make the time to blog about the before and after results of Isabella's DOC Band. I did not write about her first birthday, my first entire day, make that entire weekend without her. I have not written about my decision to finally seek out financial support from the "other party" involved, rather, not involved in her life. Nor have I written about the extreme amount of joy and love I feel when this sweet child of mine hugs my neck and gives me kisses.

When Isabella started going to daycare, she was almost 5 months old and was in the infant room. After she was over a year old, It was time to start getting her ready to move up to the toddler room. Before she could make the move, there were a few regulations. First, she had to be weaned off the bottle, and second, she had to be eating only table food. It was not problem to wean Isabella off her bottle. One day, I just stopped giving it to her and gave her only a vasito (sippy cup). Problem solved. As for the food situation, she refused to eat only table food and the way I saw it, as long as she was eating nutritious food, I didn't care what stage it is at. When she was ready to eat table food, she would. I was not going to force her. At almost fourteen months, she was moved to the toddler room. No more bottle, but she was not completely on table food yet. Over the last month, she has started eating a wider variety of foods. She likes to eat rice and fidellos. She likes soups and noodles. And she is such a little cookie monster! Any cookie, any time, she will eat it. Same for cheetos. She loves to share a chocolate chip cookie with Grandpa.

This child of mine is very affectionate. She loves to give hugs and kisses. She loves to hug and kiss her stuffed animals and babies. She covers them with her blanky and pats them on the back saying, "Uhhh-uhhh-uhhh" like she is putting them to sleep. She loves her blanky. She drags that thing all over the house. When she sees it, she gets a big smile and runs to it. Then she grabs it like she hasn't seen it in ages and hugs it and buries her face in it. It is pretty funny to see. We are very affectionate with her at home. We hug and kiss her and tell her we love her every day. I believe that when you love someone, you should tell them, and I love this little girl very much.

Isabella likes to climb on top of her rocking chair and stand up and yell like she is on top of the world. She has learned to climb on and off the sofa, uses a small stepstool to climb up on my bed, and likes to jump on it like it is a trampoline. She watches TV some mornings while I get ready for work. She likes to sing to songs she has never heard before and dances when she hears music. She waves and says "Hi" and "Bye." When it is time for bed each night, she goes to her grandma and grandpa and gives them besitos and says "Nye, nye" (night, night). She knows how to sign "I love you" and she does it every time I sing Skinna Marinky Dinky Dink to her. She also knows some of the movements to The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

                         She likes to read books.                                                     She likes to stack her blocks.

 She likes to share her food with Lola.

She likes to take pictures. 

She likes to yell and scream. 

So, Isabella, my love, when I have a bad day, you are everything good. When I feel sad, you are my happiness. When I feel like I haven't done anything right, you show me that I did one perfect thing, bring you into my world. When I feel like I am not enough, I remember that I am your mom, and that is always enough. It amazes me how big of a difference one little girl can make. I thought you were funny and entertaining before, and now, you are simply hilarious! You have us all laughing constantly and from what I hear, it only gets better. How? How could I possibly enjoy my time with you more? Then someone told me, "Just wait until she says that she loves you!" and it occurred to me that this is what life is all about. All these little moments really aren't so little. Every 'first' is so exciting. Every new word learned is adorable. I am certain that if I were given the opportunity to trade my life today for my life three years ago, I would definitely refuse. I am the person I am now because of all of my good and bad past experiences. I am the person I am today because of you. And all along, the road I was traveling was leading me to something more wonderful than I ever could have imagined, you. 

Love, Mama

2011

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" ~Maria Robinson


Another year has come and gone, and a new year is here. With the new year comes many hopes from many people to change, start over, fix what may have been damaged or broken, to renew what was old. For me, I decided instead of making one resolution and not stick to it, I would make several, small, achievable goals for  myself throughout this year. I have heard before that if you write down your goals, they are more achievable. You are able to go back and actually see your goals in words. So, for the year of 2012, I plan to

1. Start and finish at least 6 books
2. Learn to play golf
3. Learn how to comfortably handle and shoot a gun
4. Float a river
5. Stop and just breath when things get hectic

And here is the biggie...
6. Become a homeowner

There you go, it is officially written down. I have 6 achievable goals to accomplish for 2012. Wish me luck.

2 Months Later

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is
all about."   ~Angela Schwindt

It has been 2 months since my last post. So much has happened since then. Somehow, Isabella has grown into a little girl since . When I look at her, I can't help but think to myself, "Where is my baby? When did she turn into this little girl?" 2 months ago, she only said two words, ouch and Lola. Now, she also says mama :), papa (food), wawa (agua), bye-bye and lots of other words that I cannot understand. But I know it means something specific because some of the gibberish, she says frequently. I can tell they are real words...to her! We try to have conversations with her by responding to her baby talk with questions. She keeps the conversation going. We can't understand her, but the conversation continues. She started walking a few weeks ago. I bought her a toy that helps her to walk. She holds on to it and pushes it and she just takes off! After walking with the toy for a little bit, she got up the courage to try walking alone. I tried to not make too much of a fuss. When I do get excited, she gets distracted and doesn't want to walk anymore. She kept standing up, taking a few steps and falling. She was the excited one that day! She would laugh and flail her arms. Four days later, she was walking for longer time frames all by herself. Now, just 3 weeks later, she hardly even crawls anymore.

Halloween passed a few weeks ago. This is a holiday that I have never really gotten too excited for, until now. The last time I wore a Halloween costume was when I was in the fifth grade. But I was really looking forward to October 31st this year. I dressed Isabella up as a little cow. The cutest little cow ever! Although she was still too little to trick or treat or eat all that sugar, my mom and I took her to the Goober Fest at our church, St. Elizabeth Ann Setan. Isabella enjoyed looking at all the other children in their costumes. I bet she was wondering what the heck was going on! Then she helped grandma pass out candy to all the trick or treaters that came by our house. This year, it was just about the costume, next year, she will be older and may be able to understand a little more about what is going on.

Isabella wore her helmet for three months, to the day. On November 9th, we went for our last appointment in Dallas, at Cranial Technology. I was so excited! I bought new bows and clips to put in Isabella's hair. I even practiced fixing it. I made little pig tails with bows on them. I can't help but think she is the cutest darn thing on the face of this earth! I was so excited that I would be able to get to run my fingers through her hair while rocking her to sleep. Now, when she rests her head on my chest, it is just her head there, not a big, plastic helmet.

I guess most babies go through a phase where their separation anxiety peaks. I do believe we are currently going through that phase. When we are at home, if I even leave the room, Isabella starts whining. When I give her to my mom or dad, it doesn't take her long before she is reaching out for me to get her. When I started working full time, and started taking her to the daycare everyday again, she would cry and cry when I would drop her off. She cried like someone was hurting her. But she can be a little bit of a drama queen, she gets that from her grandma, not her mom....I know she is fine and she probably stops crying as soon as some fun toy or one of her friends gets her attention. But, just hearing her cry and having to walk away just broke my heart. Now, when I drop her off, I set her down on the mat, in front of lots of toys and other kids. This way, she is distracted instantly, and no more crying.



Isabella is a little daredevil. She stands on the sofa and jumps around. She even rolls/falls off the sofa to the floor. I just know she is going to fall and crack her head open one day...ok, that is probably an exaggeration, but what do you expect? I am a mom. She likes to be chased. When I tell her something like, "Come on, let's go change your diaper." and I start walking toward her, she takes off racing! She tries to escape from me and she is laughing the whole time! She is very curious about everything going on around her. If I can't hear her, if she is just a little too quiet, changes are that she is making a disaster somewhere! She also likes to dance. I have a little upbeat tune that I sing to her. I have been singing since she was born. My mom also has a little tune she sings to her. And when she hears these tunes, she starts dancing. She is usually sitting down and she starts bouncing up and down. If she is standing up, she bends her knees and almost jumps, but she does it over and over. If she hears an upbeat song, she starts dancing. She is just too funny! There is not one day that goes by that she does not make me laugh. She also still loves to jump! I have a small trampoline that I will let her jump on one day when she has better balance. I can just imagine her jumping and jumping and jumping away. She also likes to scream. She screams just because she is excited. When she gets excited, her eyes get big, she straightens her arms, clenches her fists and teeth and shakes. She used to only do this when she got over stimulated in any way. If she was scared, happy, mad, or frustrated, this was her first reaction. But now, she has learned that we pay extra attention and laugh when she does it and she will do it on purpose just to get a reaction. She loves attention. I can tell she is going to like being the center of attention. She is very playful with most people. On our flights to Dallas, she usually would have all the people in the surrounding seats playing with her. If you look at her and smile, it is almost like she just wants to fall apart because she is so excited! And it takes almost no effort to make her smile and laugh.

Isabella is now eleven months old, fifty-one weeks to be exact. Fifty-one weeks! Her birthday is less than a week away. I wish I could keep her little forever. I was shopping  for some onesie pajamas, the kind with the feet, for her just the other day. I was looking for size 12 months and saw the itty-bitty tiny ones for preemies. That is the only size that would fit Isabella when we first brought her home from the hospital. Even the newborn size was huge on her. When I saw how small the pajamas were and remembered that my precious baby was sooo small, and seemed so fragile I couldn't help but get teary-eyed. Each milestone that she passes is so exciting but it is also bittersweet. They remind me that she is growing up.

So, Isabella, my love, the past five-one weeks have been the best. You are the best. I like to remember when you were a tiny little baby who needed me for everything. You still need me now, but you are growing and becoming more independent with each passing day. I can't imagine the day when you don't need me anymore...and I don't want to. Your personality is blossoming. You are friendly and I hope you will be equally as kind and compassionate. I have a feeling about you, my love, that you are going to change the world someday, because you changed my whole world the day you came into it.


Love, Mama

A Voice of Her Own

When you have children yourself, you begin to understand what you owe your parents.
-- Japanese Proverb


Another appointment has come and gone at Cranial Technologies. I am glad to say we are half way through Isabella's treatment. It has been almost 7 weeks now that she has been wearing her helmet and I can see a significant difference in the shape of her head. For the first month or so, Isabella never really paid much attention to the helmet on her head, but, lately, she tugs at it when she gets frustrated. I usually try to draw her attention to something else when I see her doing this but, it is just so funny. When I see her express her emotions I can't help but laugh. She is such a character. We have been driving every other week to Dallas and back for her appointments. I had been only working on the weekends up until now, so it was easy for her and I to take a couple of days off for our trips. But, that is not the case anymore. So, we will most likely be flying for the remainder of the time. We will be able to go and come back in a matter of hours. I am sure it will be much more convenient for us both.

I have been working at Odessa Regional Medical Center as a radiologic technologist (x-ray tech) since April. I can honestly say that I really enjoyed my job. I would work graveyard shifts and on the weekends. I got to stay home with Isabella during the day and while she was sleeping, I was working. But, this position was only PRN, which means, As Needed. ORMC has been expanding and opening up several clinics in the surrounding area and I was offered a full-time position at a new clinic in Midland. Although I love working at the hospital, had learned lots of new things, and had made several new friends, a full time position would be much more stable, financially, for us. As parents, we have to make decisions sometimes for the betterment of our children. So, I begin working at my new position next week. I am excited and looking forward to this new environment. I hope I have great coworkers like I did at the hospital.

Since Isabella was old enough to make a sound, I have been telling her "Ma-Ma. Isabella, say Ma-Ma." I tell her this every day and several times a day. She usually will just look at me and laugh. On Sunday, September 18th, she said her first word. After months and months of me telling her "Ma-Ma" can you guess what her first word was? "Ouch!" Ouch was the first word out of her sweet little mouth! Isabella loves to throw everything on the floor. On this day, I had her sitting on her changing table dressing her and looking for her sandals in the bottom drawer. She was doing what she always does, grabbing the bottle of lotion and throwing it on the floor. Throwing the diaper cream, the brush, the nasal aspirator, everything on the floor. I am usually in the line of fire when she is throwing things down and am always telling her "Ouch! That hit me!" Well, I guess we know where she learned ouch from. A few days later, I heard her saying "Wowa" which is Lola. She will crawl right up to Lola and say "Wowa." It doesn't surprise me that the dog's name is one of her first words. She is always looking for and chasing Lola.

 

Our family has a routine that we follow most days of the weeks. After we eat dinner, my dad will watch TV in the living room, Isabella and Lola will both be in there with him, mom and I will clean up the kitchen and then join everyone else. Then we all play with Isabella and Lola and watch TV for a while. Then its bath time for Isabella, a bottle and I rock her in my arms until she falls asleep. This is my favorite part of every day. While I rock her, I say our prayers to her and sing and hum to her. I know "they" say you're not supposed to let your baby fall asleep in your arms because then they don't learn to self-soothe and put themselves back to sleep in the night, but I  don't care what "they" say! I let her fall asleep in my arms every night. Once she is sound asleep, with her head resting on my chest, I hug her, kiss her, smell her hair, and listen to her breathe. Usually, I love on her after she is asleep longer than it actually took me to put her to sleep. She has the most relaxing and comforting scent. It smells like...Isabella, with a hint of lavender and baby lotion. I wish I could bottle that scent and keep it forever.  If I have had a stressful day, I will sometimes smell her hair and listening to her breathe for an hour after she is asleep.

So, Isabella, my love, you have passed so many milestones so far, and now you have started saying words that we can understand. What's next? What spectacular thing will you do tomorrow? I look forward to any new surprises you have for me each and every day. But, you are changing and growing so fast! I wish I could slow down time. I want to never forget how precious you are to me, the sound of your chit-chattering, your big smile with two, then three, then four teeth.  I want to never forget your sweet scent. When we play and you laugh and talk and squeal, I sometimes take a moment and say a silent prayer. I ask God to please let me never forget this exact moment as long as I live. I know that before I had you to love, my life was missing something. My heart was not whole. Now, I cannot even fathom one day without you. I pity the person who chooses not to have you in his life. He has no idea how much he is missing. But, you are mine and I am yours. That will never change. I am so blessed to have found true, unconditional love. I would climb any mountain, cross any river, face any kind of peril for you. You are my everything.



Love, Mama

Sleep. Or a Lack thereof.

“People who say they sleep like a baby, usually don’t have one.”

-Leo J. Burke

Isabella is now 9 months old. Can anybody tell me why time seems to have sped up drastically since she was born? It seems like it was just a couple weeks ago that she was a little bitty baby. Now, she is crawling, talking, standing, and so much more. Isabella is a very finicky eater. When, how, and if she eats all depends on her mood. Sometimes, she will let me feed her baby food. Sometimes, she only wants to feed herself snacks. Sometimes, she wants to eat big people food. And, sometimes, she doesn't want to open her mouth for any of the above! Ah! I can tell that she is going to be strong-headed. I don't know where she would have inherited that trait from. Her mom isn't strong-headed at all!

On August 30, Isabella had her bi-weekly appointment at Cranial Technologies. She is progressing well. The therapist shaved more off the occipital area of her helmet. Her head will be beautiful and round soon. I must admit, I am ready for the day when she no longer has to wear it. I don't get to put cute bows and headbands on her every day anymore. When Isabella and I are playing on the floor, and she is jumping and climbing all over me, she sometimes will rest her head on mine. My heart melts when she does this. But there is this big, cold, plastic helmet in the way! It doesn't bother her, but I wish it wasn't there. It almost puts a crink in my beautiful moment. But, I did get to redecorate it again, my favorite part.

When Isabella turned 8 months old, my mom asked me if we could take Isabella's crib down and put it into storage. "She never uses it." she said. I don't know why, but thinking about taking it down and putting it away made me get a knot in my stomach. I just did not want to put it away. So, my mom suggested that I start putting Isabella to sleep in her crib, unless I wanted her to be 5 years old and still sleeping with me. I must confess, the problem was not that Isabella would not go to sleep in her crib, but that I had grown accustomed to sleeping with her right next to me. I would fall asleep with my arm around her and my cheek against hers. It was reassuring to wake up at night and hear her breathing, sometimes snoring lightly. I didn't want her to sleep all the way in the next bedroom. I did some serious thinking and came to the conclusion that it was me, I did not want to sleep by myself. It had been quite a long time since I slept all alone. But, I did not want Isabella to be 5 years old and not be able to sleep in her own room and in her own bed because I had been selfish. I decided it was time to put her to sleep in her crib, BUT only after I did some serious furniture arranging! I moved the dresser out of my room and put her crib in there. This way, we all win. The crib is getting used, Isabella is sleeping by herself and she may not be in the bed with me, but she is only a few steps away. And I can still hear her breathing and sometimes, snoring lightly. She has started rolling over and sleeping on her tummy and sticking her bottom up in the air. I love it! I think it is so cute.

Babies are supposed to nap during the day. Most babies take two or three good naps a day. Not Isabella! On an average day, She will take three, short naps. And when I say short, I mean 40 minutes short. 40 minutes! That's not even enough time for me to completely recharge before she is up and at it again. But when I asked her pediatrician if that was normal, she told me that all babies nap differently. Apparently, Isabella's brain is just too busy, going 100 miles an hour, to shut off long enough to rest during the day. Well, at least, when she is awake she is happy, active, and quite the little entertainer!

I am very close to my family. My mom is my best friend. I consider this a good thing but, it makes certain decisions difficult for me. When I was younger, I fell in love with the hustle and bustle of the big city. At age 16, I spent the summer with my aunt in Dallas. It was then that I decide I wanted to live there when I grew up. Then I went to college. I wanted to take small steps, going to community college first and planning to later move away. Then, I got into the radiology program at Odessa College and decided to move away after I had completed those two years in the program. Then, I decided I was going to get married. Then, I got pregnant and moving away from my family wasn't as appealing as it had once been. There was always some reason to put off moving. Now, with our recent, frequent trips to Dallas, I have been reminded why I fell in love with Dallas in the first place. Since I never did get married, the decision to move or stay is completely up to me. I am a person who believes that there is always room for improvement. There is no perfect person, relationship, job, no perfect anything. Since nothing is perfect, something can always be improved. How do I improve? I set goals. I have set a new goal for my life. I want to move Isabella and me to Dallas some day. When I say someday, I do not mean someday way in the future. I mean in the next year or two. But, how will a move 6 hours away from my family impact us when we are so close? I know it will be hard on all of us in the beginning but my parents are supportive of my renewed goal and agree that both Isabella and I will have more opportunities in the metropolitan area. We shall see if this will be a goal I am able to accomplish.

So, Isabella, my love, you exhaust more energy in a couple of hours than I can muster up in an entire day. If I had even half of your vitality, I might be able to run the world! Trying to keep up with you can be tiring at times. It definitely takes some effort to always keep an eye on you. And with every passing day, you become more and more energetic. Sometimes, I joke that you only have one speed and that is full speed! Keeping up with you has brought out a different side of me. This side makes funny noises, funny faces, and squeals and screams right along with you. This side spends an immense amount of time on the floor and loves to find new toys that make noise and light up. This side sings lullabies, recites nursery rhymes, prays out loud and laughs more than I ever imagined possible. This side also begs for kisses and rejoices like it just won the lottery when it gets one! I never knew this other side of me existed before you came along. I am so happy that this side of me has emerged. You have given me new life and I am forever grateful for you.

Love, Mama